It's the last work day of the week.
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These Facebook memories feel weird to look at. Fort Smith, Arkansas; Azle, Texas; Beaverlick, Kentucky; Holladay, Tennessee; Cameron Missouri; Sunnyvale, California.
It's weird because maybe life really does happen in cycles. I thought about taking a road trip the other day, not because I wanted to, but out of frustration, to kind of blow off steam.
I realized that I really don't go anywhere or even get out of the house unless I'm frustrated with something.
I must have been semi-serious about going because I packed my laptop. There were several times where I would go on a road-trip with nothing more than I would ordinarily carry: my wallet and phone, and that's it, not even an extra change of clothes. Serious.
One of the pictures I came across was a screenshot of my phone with the destination set to Las Vegas, it was from shortly after I left Cameron, Missouri and was staying the the Dallas - Fort Worth area, I hadn't taken up residence in Texas or anything at the time, I was just there I guess, staying at motels or whatever. At some point I remember thinking: fuck it, I'll just head back to Vegas, but on my way there I started having issues with my car, my car would shake if I went over 60 MPH. I ended up staying in Texas as a result.
I didn't get it fixed until a year later, and it turned out to be something cheap: my tires just needed to be balanced. It's not that I was trying to avoid the cost of getting it fixed at the time, or, maybe it was, or I don't really know. I do remember that I took it as a sign to just stick around. Azle, Texas is on the western edge of the Dallas - Fort Worth area, so I must have been heading to Vegas and stopped there.
Years later, when I got stuck in Jennings, Louisiana, I remember almost thinking that I should stay there. It was a small rural town and I remember having. I remember feeling nostalgic about living in Cameron, Missouri. I don't know why I decided against staying in Jennings, Louisiana. I remember not having my computer, and I'm thinking that I just wasn't able to look into apartments and jobs in the area. I remember, I eventually rented a U-Haul truck and a tow dolly and towed my car back into Dallas - Fort Worth.
I just went to the buffet and came back. Part of the reason I went was to get a fortune cookie, more than anything like being really hungry.
The fortune cookie said: hidden reservoirs of strength are about to be discovered.
and I don't really know what to think about that. I don't need any trials and tribulations and shit right now that show me just how much strength and perseverance I really have.
I would prefer it has something to do with making a, you know, soul mate connection and, you know, I have all these reservoirs. of. you know. strength. hehe.
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I'm feeling somewhat scatter brained right now. It's not like I've had a whole bunch of caffeine or anything, so I'm not sure why my thoughts are all over the place.
One thing I'm thinking about is that I've had since mid-April to pay off my credit cards, and, I should be able to pay them off by the end of August like I originally planned, and also, my thinking is that I actually can pay them off by the end of August.
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So, at the beginning of the year I thought that I would only need until the end of August to pay off my credit cards, but it turns out that I would only be half way there by the end of August, and that's under somewhat ideal circumstances, what that means is that I'll probably be working on this until the end of the year, and fuck, student loan payments start in August. at the end of August, and that's just going to be another drag.
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I ate around 3/3 of the pizza roll snacks in the back, and I'm kind of stomach sick, I was really hungry, but, I ate too much.
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I went to the grocery store to get pizza snack roles, not Totino's, but the generic store brand version, which had more rolls at a lower price, Well, obviously, but I think they had 30 percent more rolls, and were 25 percent lower in price.
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So yesterday, after I threw the towel in on day trading my way out of a loss in VFC stock, I figured I'd just stay in cash or something for a while, then I thought, maybe I shouldn't get so discouraged or whatever. For some reason I thought: maybe I'll just throw it all back into an index fund, but with my luck something catastrophic will happen anyway: another pandemic, a global catastrophe, an asteroid hits earth, nukes start detonating in major cities around the world, some AI program starts generating content that precipitates civil unrest, or uprisings, or radicalizes fringe groups, famine, volcanoes, earthquakes.
What is. the next black swan event? What happens next?
I'm so frustrated that everything I seem to try, with everything I seem to try, nothing really seems to work out, or, nothing seems to improve things for me. Well, things in life have improved, but, some real big improvement in my life just hasn't materialized.
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I'm bored. I don't know what to do, but at the same time, I don't really want to do anything.
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