Chestnut + Hazel: Letters from Washburn Road # 8

Today is the last day of the work week for me.

...

I have today off, and I'm just getting regular stuff done, reviewing my finances, doing laundry, looking at my work schedule. I want to close a number of my accounts, but at the same time, I don't want to close them. The benefit is that I would be better able to manage my money if I had fewer accounts, and if I could consolidate and concentrate my positions, but, I really don't have a ton of money anyway.

...

I'm really fucking tired. I had to buy a new phone there other day because my previous phone broke, the battery just wouldn't charge up anymore. This is probably the first phone I've ever replaced for this reason. I don't know why I'm tired. Well, I do know why I'm tired: I didn't get much sleep. I went to sleep as soon as I got home, and I felt fully rested as soon as I woke up a few hours later, but I didn't go back to sleep, so I'm running on maybe 3 hours of rest.

...

I want to buy a new laptop. Well, I don't really want to buy a new laptop, what I really want is to play a new computer game: Victoria 3, but I would need a new laptop in order to play Victoria 3. This is another thing that reminds me of the last time I was in Las Vegas four years ago: I wanted to play Grand Theft Auto 5, and I remember needing a new laptop. I didn't buy a new laptop. I bought a console instead.

...

it's the start of another work week. a few hours ago i really felt like putting in time off. i dont have enough for a full shift, but i could have put in a few hours, but right now im doing okay.

...

I went to the Nevada DMV and completed my Nevada Driver's License Request and Vehicle Registration. There was some kind of confusion at the appointments desk where the clerk wasn't sure if I had the correct documents to complete my Vehicle Registration, but the clerk that actually handled the paperwork was ultimately able to process my Vehicle Registration for Nevada.

There was also a kind of question about personalized / vanity plates, and nothing that I wanted was available. I really just wanted 33507, this is supposed to be LOSEE, but I guess it wasn't available or something. There were about 9 other plate numbers I had, but none of them were available.

The Nevada DMV had me surrender my Texas License Plates. The Texas DMV said I could just keep them, but, I guess I had to surrender them.

I ended up taking the night off from work. I was really tired. I think that I got home from the DMV at around 2 PM, and I felt like I power napped because I was kind of ready to head out to work at 6 PM like I usually do, but, for whatever reason I took the night off.

I really don't know what to do about this whole. Nevada. Thing. I continue to run through the last few months I spent in Texas in my mind, and I really can't pinpoint why things happened the way they did, why things turned out the way they did, but I could swear that everything was just going straight to hell for me there, as though I had no other choice but to get out of there. It just wasn't going well, I don't know what else to say, but then again, I'm not sure Texas was really ever easy to begin with.

...

About my breakfast at the Cannery the other morning: the style of the fish and chips reminded me of this one place I used to go to in Sunnyvale, California on El Camino Real. Someone once clarified different styles to me before, but just two, and this style isn't like either style. I don't really remember. I have to look this up and write it down.

...

I went to the Cannery Casino this morning to have breakfast. I went here a few days back really early in the morning, I want to say 2:00 AM or something in the morning, and none of the restaurants at the Cannery were open, but the Victory Café was open this morning when I went. I ordered Fish & Chips and a soda, and I spent 28 dollars, which is more than I really wanted to spend, given my current financial picture.

I was originally on my way to the Golden Corral, but I figured I'd check out the Cannery, since I tried to go there last time, but it wasn't open.

I have the hiccups really bad right now.

I have a new spreadsheet. I remember the one that I made when I first came to Vegas in 2018, There were several revisions over the years. The current one I use is focused mainly on totaling my assets, and my liabilities (debts) and I have an emphasis on paying down my credit cards. In 2018 I was focusing on planning out each individual paycheck, and throwing whatever was left into the stock market.

I bought socks and a belt.

...

i was craving sun chips earlier, so i went to the grocery store and bought some. they don't seem to be a whole lot less expensive at the grocery store than they are at the cafeteria.

...

I don't really know what to do right now. I'm bored. I was hungry, but I'm not hungry any more. I'm working on my budget on an off, here and there. I have one unusual expense, unusual in the sense that it's a sporadic expense, and it's the driver's license and vehicle registration expense that I'll experience next week.

...

Last day of the work week. I'm trying to think about what to do with my days off.

...

Well, sometimes I think that I haven't accomplished anything, but, maybe it depends on how I look at it. I did register a web domain. I registered a business name, and I registered several copyrights. I went on several road trips.

...

I'm still not really enthusiastic about being back in Las Vegas. I'm unhappy about it. I'm glad I got back in touch with my mom; I haven't really talked to her since I left four years ago, and I'm happy that I'm working again, but I really can't stand being back in Las Vegas. Simply being in Las Vegas is this constant reminder that I haven't really accomplished anything since I fucking left. Nightmare.

...

I still feel like I have way too much stuff. I've gotten rid of most of the stuff I do. Well. Actually. What I mean is. I got rid of quite a bit of stuff that I don't need, but I still have a lot of stuff that I don't really need.

Dress shirts. I haven't needed dress shirts in a long time. But they're not really dressy. so I'm not sure that their dress shirts. I just don't anticipate needing them.

There are other things that I have that I don't really want to throw away, and I really don't want to give away either. but I don't really need them. and I don't really anticipate needing them.

today is the first day of the work week. i had three days off, and I'm trying to think about what i got done during those days off. did i accomplish anything?

...

There's this idea that keeps running through my head over and over again, and, I'm not sure what to do about it.

...

I'm hungry. I went to the gas station around 10 PM and bought a few hot dogs to eat, and I think I bought wings as well, but I'm still hungry, or, rather, right now it's 4 AM in the morning, and I've become hungry again. I'm thinking about how to approach the next year, and, I really just feel like this is going to be a long period, maybe not a long period, but a period of my life where nothing exciting happens. Nothing really exciting ever happens, and I almost want to say that nothing exciting has happened in the four years since I left Las Vegas, I did put together a bunch of money during that time, and that's about as exciting as things went. I just really don't know how to make the best of this return to Las Vegas.

...

There are kind of a few things on my mind right now. I'm optimistic about the future, but I'm also kind of distressed about the future at the same time; or I feel something like, something between feeling distressed and overwhelmed. Sometimes the feeling oscillates between feelings of optimism and distress.

It's November. I don't really know what to think about that. About it being November already.

...

I was thinking about heading out of town, out of the state and picking up a lottery ticket. Sometimes I just feel like. Sometimes I just get excited about the thought of winning the lottery, the Powerball or the Mega Millions jackpot, but, sometimes I think the reason I feel this way is because at one moment or another I might feel like there's just really nothing interesting going on in my life at the moment.

I closed my Cash App, Venmo, and PayPal accounts. I just don't really use them that often any more, and I figured it's better just to close them, and reopen them if I need to use them later in the future. One thing I would hate is for something to happen with those accounts, and have to deal with a huge problem for an account I don't really use, and like I mentioned, I could always reopen accounts with them if I find a use for their services again.

...

There was this feeling I had earlier, like I really felt like hitting the road and going somewhere.

...

I think that I'll work on something right now.

...

What am I thinking about right now? Well, I'm not really thinking much of anything. I got an oil change, and I ended up getting my transmission fluid changed as well. I still want to get my tires changed, but I don't really know how soon I need to do that. I could probably wait until I hit 60,000 miles on my odometer, and that's still a kind of conservative timeline to seek a tire change. The treads look fine.

...

Word Salad

This is where the admittance

starts and I have to tell you:

I never really liked her, she

was just the finest, most beautiful

woman I had ever seen up until

then, and have ever seen since.

There she was: eating leafy greens

out of a container full of leafy greens

and in that moment I thought:

She is the most beautiful woman