Letters from Sanford Street # 446

Well, I completed my application. I turned in my project, and I took my exam. Really. This isn't going to happen, at least not this time around.

I don't really know. I'm not unhappy or anything.

To me. This is really just how things go sometimes.

I was keeping my work schedule as close to 60 hours per week as I could. I figured that I would free up time by not doing food deliveries.

that approach wasn't really effective, not only did I not do any food deliveries, but I more or less just slept through all of my free time,

and, during this week off, I slept most of this time. Most of this little mini-vacation of mine I spent sleeping.

I was motivated at the beginning, but I struggled hard, and I found it discouraging when I would set aside 2 hours or so to study, and basically accomplish nothing.

I would try skipping around, and I would have essentially the same issues after skipping around.

I would spend 2 hours on some other area or course material that I skipped to, and make absolutely no progress for 2 hours.

I guess I'll try this again and reapply next year. I mean, I didn't get a rejection letter or anything, but, I'm really not optimistic about being selected.

I'm not going to blame my 60 hour work weeks on my inability to study. I'm going to accept 60 work weeks as just one of the limitations I have on doing other things or learning other things, and that's that. Let's say that my life were different, let's say that I had kids or I had a family, I wouldn't blame having kids or having a family on my inability to learn new things. I would accept those circumstances as, you know, part of my life.

I really don't know. Where to go from here. I really don't. I'm going to try this again. and reapply during the next application period. Maybe the coursera subscription is covered by amazon's career choice program. i don't really know. i'll look into it.

I just don't really see any options as far as, pursuing another line of work. This is actually. a real nightmare.