Archived Content

 A Call to Action

taste the best of the oranges

and eat the best of the pumpkins

and taste tea made of franks

and beat to death the people who

are already dead inside

* * *

The Bathroom

waiting for the bathroom to free

up so that i can take a shower before

work. i really just need a quick

rinse and a shave.

i kind of wanted to go to the gas

station to buy cigarettes, and then

come back later. but i think that i

will pass. i do have to try to quit 

smoking.

i may just shave and brush

my teeth at the kitchen sink.

* * *

Jomabolly Mabolly

You like to bother my while I'm in the processes

of writing things.  It is because you are a total idiot

who likes to distract me from my work.

I never met anyone as annoying as you.  When I'm

concentrating on this really awesome verse, you 

bother me to death with nonsense about crackers.

You are the jamabolly mabolly, and for that reason

I find that you and I can no longer co-exist, and for

that reason I'm going to steal your lunches forever.

Dying in your cubicle typing away.  Starving to death

and wasting away.  You will be as skinny as a runway

model, but not as tall or as blond or as sexy.

Jomabolly Mabolly is the ancient name of people who

eat the honey of the parisanium insect.  A small bug

no larger than a thimble, and filled with the sweet juice.

* * *

The Republican Party

I've decided that I will

infiltrate the

Democratic Party

and convince them all

to become

right-wing Republicans.

All of them will want

to go to war

with every country

that we can think of

and steal all the oil

underneath the ground.

And steal their rare earth

minerals for the production

of smartphones and

tablets, and for the production

of batteries in all-electric

vehicles.

We will take all the natural

resources they

have to offer and even the 

unnatural ones.

I do not know how hard this

will be.  I basically plan to 

steal their mailing lists

and spam their members

to death.

* * *

You Are Bothering Me To Death

Every five seconds you are sending me 

nude photographs 

through Plenty of Fish and I am sick 

of seeing your huge

knockers.  I have already seen them 

several times in person

and I have no idea how much more I 

can take.  This is annoying

and I will report you to Markus.  

He will place you under arrest 

according to the laws of online 

dating.  You will be arrested and

placed in the county jail along 

with murderers and drug dealers.

You will also be housed in a cage with 

massive elephants and

hippopotamuses.  They will think that 

you are a plant and eat 

you, and you will be dead.  I do not 

wish the worst for you, but

you are bothering me to death, and in 

this situation it is either

you or me.  Either I will die of Horando 

Knocker Syndrome, or you

will die from being eaten to death by 

elephants and hippopotamuses.

When I wake up in the morning I see 

you next to me.  Beautiful and

naked.  When I am at work looking 

for other women to sleep with,

you send me nude photographs even 

though I have seen you naked

a thousand times, every morning for 

the past ten years that we have

been married.  I do not want to see 

you naked ever again.  If I do I will

probably vomit, even though you are 

more attractive than the cow

that I dated last night, and the 

rhinoceros I had drinks with the night

before.